I was reading an article written by a gay man talking about how Pride Month has become a “sham.” At the outset of the article, I appreciated the author’s more moderate, objective take on the state of things nowadays-especially from someone within that community. I must first premise this opinion piece by conceding I don’t often indulge in other authors’ opinion pieces. Call it a toxic trait, but I often find they are not well-sourced, not well-written, and pedantic. This article about Pride began as not that. Unfortunately, by the second paragraph it had devolved into what in my (very humble) opinion is the crux of the insanity masquerading as our political environment, which in turn has become our entire personality as a country.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell when opinions or op-eds devolve, and I have to imagine such devolution is the author simply being human. I have to imagine the author is going on this same rollercoaster as his or her readers. Perhaps they begin the piece anchored in logic and reasonableness; but as they continue writing, they get angrier and angrier; their fingers tapping harder and harder on the keyboard.
In this article, the moment I stopped reading was when the author said this:
“Trans people already have their own flag, but apparently, that’s beside the point; they need to take over the gay Pride flag, and gay people have to like it.”
Ben Appel, “It’s a Sham What Pride has Become”
Okay…who forced the author to like the pink and blue triangle on the rainbow flag?
The answer is: no one. Because no one can actually force you to like anything. But more about that later. I think the preliminary question here is: WHO. FUCKING. CARES.
It’s a goddamned flag.
It is a piece of colorful fabric.
Just like the Bible is just a book; yard signs are just yard signs, and bumper stickers are just fucking bumper stickers.
You don’t, actually, have to like any of that. I don’t have to like that my neighbor has veritably draped her entire-ass house in “Trump 2024” flags and “Fuck Biden” flags, and I don’t. In fact, every time I drive by, I give the house the middle finger.
Indeed, I’m not actually sure you can be forced to like something without some sort of psychological reconditioning. That does not stop people from allowing shit to bother them, and then blaming the folks who happen to like the thing the other folks don’t for “shoving it down their throats.” Since 2015, how often have you heard that trope? “I’m not a homophobe, I just don’t want them shoving it down my throat.” Who tied you to a chair and is shoving rainbow or tans flags down your throat? If that’s happening, it’s called assault and may be time to get the authorities involved.
Similarly, what trans person is trying to force any other member of the LGBTQIA community to like them?
I mean, I’m sure there are some psychos out there championing a platform they believe was gifted to them by God and destroy shit, tie themselves to courthouse steps and set flags on fire…but such psychos span all spectrums and history.
And again: even if there were some weird paladin-obsessed trans person chasing you around with a flag begging you to love them, you. Don’t. Have. To. You need not compromise anything about your life to accommodate this psycho other than possibly taking a few minutes to call the cops.
No one is forcing anyone to like or be okay with anything. I mean, I encourage folks not to be bigoted, but hey: you wanna be a bigot, you live your best life. Just don’t legislate on it, and don’t break the law.
In this world, and more importantly, in this Western society, folks are loath to take any kind of personal accountability for themselves on the most basic of levels. Including in their own emotions.
No one.
Let me repeat: NO ONE can make you angry.
You do that shit all on your own. You allow the actions (or in some cases the very existence) of others to get to you. You do that. Not them.
Here’s a hypothetical:
You and a stranger are both standing on the ledge of a pool. The stranger tells you you should jump in. But you don’t want to, so you say “no.” The stranger continues insisting you should jump in, each request becoming more and more urgent until finally the stranger is screaming in your face, calling you all the horrible names you can think of.
The act of screaming in your face, however, will never translate to physically getting you into the pool. Unless the stranger has telekinetic powers, his screams, taunts and jeers aren’t going to move you. The only way that stranger is getting you into the pool is by physically pushing you.
The good news is, when it comes to beliefs, there is no pool. You can never be forced, physically or otherwise, to believe something. You have to allow yourself to believe something. You know that old saying psychologists love so much? “You can’t be helped unless you’re ready to be helped,” or something like that. No one can hurt you with words unless you let them. And if they try to hurt you with physical force, well, that’s what the judicial system is for.
Which is why it is baffling to me that people get so angry over FLAGS. Or over beer. Or over bathrooms or shirts or makeup or cereal. I don’t understand why people care about that shit. Why would you indulge in the stress response, which fucking sucks, simply because some thing or person or concept simply exists? If it’s not affecting you monetarily, physically, or in any other way that has a measurable impact on your life, why would you put yourself through the added stress? Isn’t LESS stress the goal here?
Why does someone’s Trump 2024 flag live in your head rent free?
Why does someone’s blue hair raise your heart rate?
Now, obviously, once folks take action on their beliefs—like stealing or destroying property or hurting other folks; that’s maybe when you should activate your stress response and call the appropriate authorities. The existence, however, of things you may not like will not have a measurable impact on your day to day life if you don’t let it. Just like driving to work in traffic every morning doesn’t have to be a Mad Maxian feat. Someone cuts you off, that sucks but why would you do yourself the disservice of letting that one asswipe live in your head the rest of the day? How stupid is that?
So, yeah.
No one is shoving anything down your throat. No one is forcing you to do anything. When was the last time a diversity program at a corporation caused you actual harm? When was the last time some weirdo with five different flags attached to his waste carrying a “TRUMP IS GOD” sign tried to attack you? When was the last time learning about the history of this country caused any kind of measurable anything that directly impacted YOUR life? (And by the way, I find it ironic that in the twenty-teens, conservatives were fighting for the preservation of confederate history when folks were taking down statues of confederate soldiers and now in the twenty twenties, they are trying to ban that very history from being taught in schools, like what? But I digress).
Live your fucking life. Stop letting how other people live their life make you mad because that’s really stupid.
Just Jelli 