Just Jelli

You know what I’m fucking sick of, aside from everything and everyone?

People desperate to fit in to some sort of group or tribe. And it’s not just sports teams. It’s political parties; religions, careers, cars, bikes, boats, fishing, hunting, roller skating, parenting, mom-ing, dog-owning. And it’s not just hobbies or beliefs, it’s fucking genders and race and ethnicities. It’s cultures, cities, states,  east-coast, west-coast, America, Britain…shit, I wouldn’t be surprised to see people starting to identify with their fucking hemispheres. 

It. Is. Exhausting. 

Listen, you’re proud of your hobby, religion, culture, ethnicity…fine! Totally fine. I’m happy for you. You should be proud. 

But when you make it your ENTIRE personality, or use it as a sword or shield, that’s what makes it exhausting for everyone else. You’re not any more special than your neighbor because you happen to be into movies. You are no more special than anyone else because you believe in some old dude in the sky who, despite having created the entire fucking universe, apparently gives a shit about your little crotch goblin’s grade is in math class. 

You are not special. 

I mean, you’re special, I’m sure to your loved ones; but in the grand scheme of things, no-one cares about what you like, dislike, or associate with; and the fact that so many people carry on as though people DO care is very frustrating.

And dangerous. 

People who identify so strongly with some sort of something develop distrust of others who are not like them, or who do not like the things they like. And yes: I’ve seen folks who back a particular sports team literally assault folks who support another sports team. I’ve seen people get into fist fights over music. FUCKING MUSIC. 

So it’s not just religion or politics, though the ideas flowing from those two groups are particularly dangerous. This is because the beliefs within these two groups go to the core of what a lot of people believe makes humans human. In other words, it’s not just a choice in music or sports, it’s literally whether you are a good person or not. And people who don’t think you’re a good person will do one of two things: avoid you or destroy you. You are a threat, after all. 

This phenomenon is not a new thing, and certainly not just a me thing.

Tribal psychology has been around since humans started humaning; and it served a purpose. “Being able to spot someone different or outside ‘the tribe’ had distinct safety advantages. So much so that our brain can be tricked into inclusion or exclusion with the smallest and most illogical of differences.” Andrew Bryant, TRIBAL PSYCHOLOGY AND SELF-LEADERSHIP, Andrew Bryant Self-Leadership (https://www.selfleadership.com/blog/tribal-psychology-self-leadership) (accessed Mar. 9, 2024). Yeah. Remember the thing about sports teams? 

It was in the 70s that psychologist Henri Tajfel developed the social identity theory, which is the idea that “when we define ourselves, we do so in large part by asserting our loyalty to the groups to which we belong.” Id. Tajfel found that people can enter into us-versus-them thinking in second and will do so over just about anything. 

Kinda like women who get super serious about blondes v. Brunettes. Literally, the STUPIDEST shit. And the kicker is there are a lot of folks who recognize tribal loyalty and REVEL in it! Their lack of autonomy and identity; the stress of doing something that might cause their tribe members to question their loyalty is nothing compared to the feeling they get from belonging. From living in an echo chamber where their views are never wrong or challenged. And the echoes become louder and louder until they can no longer here the outside world. 

And when the outside world gets so loud as to intrude into these peoples’ perfect little world they created for themselves, they feel threatened. And they’ve spent so much time in these echo chambers and became so used to never being questioned, and became so comfortable with the world they created for themselves that they cannot handle the idea other ways of living actually exist. More over, they cannot handle the fact that, not only do other ways of living exist; but they are neither better nor worse. They can’t handle coexistence of different lives in a neutral way. The other ways of living MUST be bad, because they’re not THEIR way of life.

I need people to collectively chill the fuck out. You like the Bucs? Awesome. You like brown hair instead of blonde? Cool! You like to pee on your partner during sex?

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Not my thing, but hey! So long as they consent, I could care less what ya’ll do in the bedroom. Might not want to talk about it, but I’m not going to demonize you for it. 

I believe the term is “live and let live.” 

I’ve started thinking that way and can attest, it is SO MUCH less stressful. I encourage everyone to not care as much as I do, and I’ll bet you the moon the world will be a better place.