Just Jelli

Do people think being an attorney is glamorous? Genuinely: what do people who aren’t attorneys or who don’t personally know attorneys think being an attorney is like? I know lots of people probably think attorneys are smart and rich. Ruthless, perhaps? 

I can tell you all of that is true. There are lots of smart attorneys. Lots of attorneys are ruthless and rich; and some aspects of the job are glamorous. But like any other profession, there is a very very dark side. Substance abuse; mental health crises; exhaustion; burnout; cliques; bureaucracy; politics; dishonesty, and abuse. (I note also, ruthlessness is not a positive attribute, to be clear).

For the majority of my career, I practiced insurance defense. Within the legal field, there is a hierarchy of areas of law. Some areas are taken more seriously than others. Some areas are respected more than others; and some areas are downright disdained. Insurance practice is one of those fields. Why? I have no idea. Could be because it is so prevalent. Insurance law encompasses personal injury, bodily injury, auto accidents, auto glass, and property damage. It’s the kind of law that touches on most peoples’ daily lives. Compare that with complex business litigation, which typically deals only with large corporations. Or tax law; which, again, typically caters to large corporations. 

Because of its prevalence, insurance law can be very formulaic. There’s so much of the same issue, folks have streamlined the practice. Does that make it easier? Not really. Insurance law is an extremely complex practice, often involving decades-worth of case law; theories of common law, and a veritable maze of statutory law lawyers have to simultaneously be aware of in order to successfully prosecute or defend a case. I’m not saying this to diminish other areas of practice (in the same way those other areas of practice diminish insurance practice). I say this as a reminder that insurance practice is just as difficult, complex and nuanced as those other areas, such that it does not deserve the bad rap it gets. 

And to those attorneys reading this, thinking such discrimination does not actually exist; try and think about all those lawyer jokes about “sharks,” and “ambulance chasers.” Where do you think those names/jokes come from? I personally have been on the receiving end of the disdain “silk stocking” law firms have for insurance defense firms. I was observing mediation in furtherance of obtaining my mediation certification. The mediator practiced out of one of the most decorated law firms in the state. Well-respected; reputable; and with a very wealthy and sophisticated clientele. The case was a construction defect case involving sub-contractors and their insurers. Because the insurers were footing the bill for defense, their attorneys were present (called insurance defense counsel). 

During the mediator’s opening statement, he said “insurance defense attorneys are like well-trained dogs.” I, personally, was shocked. But no one else in the room appeared phased. That is how prevalent the hierarchy is. It was that statement that metaphorically broke the camel’s back and prompted me to look elsewhere for employment. 

Now: this is where I’m a bit ashamed. The firm I had been working for was amazing. The benefits were insane; the people were some of the best human beings I’d ever had the pleasure of working with and meeting; and the firm really took care of its people. Trauma bonding, perhaps? Insurance defense is cut-throat, fast-paced, and can really do a number on your mental and physical health, with the long hours; high stress and requirement to constantly think on your feet. 

Despite my wonderful firm, I felt disrespected by the legal community at large. I felt inadequate. I felt like my law degree meant less than others’ law degrees. I felt like the black sheep. This feeling was heightened by the fact that my big sister and dad landed jobs with prominent silk-stocking firms shortly after graduating law school; whereas I got into an insurance defense firm widely known as a “mill” in Florida due to how bad turnover is, and the working environment. I felt like the scraps from law school, and insurance defense firms are the vultures who feed on them. 

So in late 2022, I decided to “escape.” I applied for a position in what I thought at the time was a silk-stocking firm (and which most in the local community still believe is a silk-stocking firm). To my utter surprise, they accepted my application, and I was hired as an associate. It was a step-down from my former position as a junior shareholder; but I was willing to take the hit on the title if it meant I could get out of a field so widely disrespected and become what I thought was a “real attorney.”

I know now how ABSOLUTELY stupid I was. How absolutely short-sighted; shallow, and naive I was to think leaving a firm who cared for its employees would be a good career decision.

It was, of course, not. 

In fact the time between October of 2022 and May of 2024 was simply the worst year and a half of my entire life. Even so, I’d do it all over again because the lessons I learned changed my life.  

During my time with this new firm, I was verbally abused; gaslit; lied to, and disrespected. The benefits were shit; no one seemed happy to be there, and everyone was involved in some sort of drama or office political game. They lied about the position to which I was hired; I had to fight for things they promised me; and at the end, to avoid an unemployment claim, they blamed their failure to properly manage assets on my performance in an effort to either “terminate” me, or force me to quit. 

Also during my time with this new firm, I never stopped missing my old firm. I never ceased contact with the people from my old firm; and in fact I helped get two people jobs at my old firm who were trying to escape the new firm. 

What I learned in all this was that the hierarchy was developed to make sociopaths feel better about themselves by putting others in their own field down; because apparently being wealthier and in a more prestigious profession than the vast majority of the population was not enough: they had to put people—who went through the same training; work the same hours; and face the same stressors—in their own profession down. 

There was one point I was speaking with an older partner at the new firm about my supervisor (ubiquitously hated among those in the firm); and he told me the only reason that firm permits the “caliber” of people my supervisor hired was because no other attorney of the caliber which the firm typically seeks, would choose to work for him. In other words, my supervisor had to scrape the bottom of the barrel to find people who would put up with him. 

I was one such hire. 

I imagine this older partner realized his mistake as it was happening, because his eyes slightly widened as the words were escaping his wrinkly little mouth; but of course, it was too late. 

As someone who has now worked both in a silk-stocking law firm and insurance defense firms, I can say this:

Not only is the hierarchy complete and utter bullshit; but it’s actually pathetic. Most insurance defense firms are staffed with lawyers who are absolute machines. They are some of the best trial lawyers I’ve ever seen.

And when you talk about hierarchy, litigation is at the top. Litigation is a prized skill, highly sought after, and folks who work at insurance firms (plaintiff and defense) are overflowing with litigation experience simply because it is all we do. I suppose, then, it would make sense that other “more sophisticated” firms would feel inadequate and try to turn the tables by perpetuating the fallacy that they are somehow better or more discerning. 

They are not. Nor is the practice of law somehow better in firms like the one I just left. Nor is the skill level somehow higher. Nor are the benefits better. Nor is the pay better. To be perfectly honest, I will miss nothing from the old firm. The only pros were the relationships I built through shared trauma. I can’t say why they choose to stay and continue working within that environment. It’s not like they’re making much more money than they would should they switch to insurance defense, or literally any other law firm. Perhaps they’ve just come to accept and adapt to the awful.

I’m happy for the relationships I built and the lessons I learned; but I’m ready to return to reason. I’m excited to continue building and mastering my practice; and hope that perhaps one day I’ll have my own division.